I have to admit, it is getting harder. My oldest daughter is now 11... and a half. The little girl in her is starting to slip away and I wonder if I am ready for it. Crushes have already started to come and go, and I know that boyfriends are too close to “right around the corner” for my comfort.
One the one hand my daughter is still very much my little girl, but on the other she is turning into this fiercely independent young woman that both frustrates me and gains my admiration on a daily basis. Am I ready for what is coming over the next few years? Is any dad ever ready? What will she need from me? Will I be able to deliver?
As with most issues in parenting, I am trying not to over think things. As my daughter heads into some of the most important years of her life, what do I need to know about her so that she becomes a strong, healthy woman? It is difficult to overstate the influence a father has on his daughter. I know that so many of my attitudes and actions toward my daughters will influence the quality of their future relationships. After a lot of reading, thinking, and prayer, I have found some basics that every dad should know about his daughter.
Our Daughters Need our Affirmation
Your daughter looks to you for affirmation, encouragement, & guidance. As she grows through puberty (ESPECIALLY, as she grows through puberty), she needs your voice reminding her that she is beautiful, valuable and worthy of love. If she can learn to believe you, then she’ll believe her future husband when he tells her the same things. Furthermore, dads, the more you affirm her today, the less she’ll seek affirmation in some teenage boy later.
Our Daughters Need Us to Set the Standard for Future Husbands
Be the husband you want her to have one day. I am far from a perfect husband, but I am challenging myself to make daily changes to be a better husband and father. It is my job as a dad to demonstrate for my daughter the kind of man I want her to marry one day. The better I become at effectively demonstrating the love I have for my wife, the more I honor my wife in our marriage, and the more I teach my daughters what a loving husband is supposed to look like.
Our Daughters Need Us to Talk About the Future
As the topic of crushes and boyfriends come up, talk with your daughter about it as much as she is comfortable. This may take time as you build her trust in this new, vulnerable, area of her life. This is not the time to tease her. Listen to what she has to say and take her seriously. As you imagine her future and think about the man you hope she marries… talk about it! Let her know what you expect. Set the bar. She’ll do everything she can to jump over it.
