I feel like I am taking a great personal risk undertaking this topic. I think our students here at Darlington will perceive me as “old” or “uncool” (that is of course, if they haven’t already!) What I would very much like to talk about is dating etiquette and the way in which today’s electronics play into the world of teenage dating.
When I was in high school (here come the old comments) there were no cell phones or laptops. We all functioned with a single pay phone outside the locker rooms, where we took turns calling our parents and letting them know we were ready to be picked up from school. A few of the “really cool” kids had beepers; however, that was a privilege which was reserved for the few.
“Texting” in my high school days consisted of passing notes from one to another. If we were caught passing notes, the severity of the punishment had a wide range depending on the teacher. I fondly recall a shoebox that was full of neatly folded, triangle-shaped notes stashed away in the corner of my closet. So where are these well thought out, pensive, elaborate notes in teenage culture today? They are all trapped inside mysterious places such as Facebook, SKYPE, iPhones, Blackberries, e-mail, laptops and something called Twitter! That is how the next generation of adults communicates.
Over the past few weeks I have witnessed firsthand students here at Darlington ask each other to homecoming, dump a homecoming date, break off a relationship, fight over a boy (to name only a few instances) all over text messages. I find myself asking, is this appropriate? Has our society as a whole become so compliant with the use of electronics that we are now teaching today’s youth to determine their relationship status via Facebook? Is it right for a young man to “break up” with a young lady over a text message? How about asking someone to homecoming via text message instead of the genuine, wonderful awkwardness of that young man asking the young lady to their first homecoming dance in person? Or better yet, “dumping” said homecoming date and going with another, all over text message. Will our daughters have those memories of being asked to their first dance, or does it remain as insignificant as a text message does? What about our sons? Will they learn how to speak to people with confidence to win a lady’s heart?
Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge fan of my iPhone and would most likely get lost during the day if I did not have it, literally. However, I think it is so important that we teach today’s youth what types of communication are appropriate for text message and which are not. As a parent of a teenager, one of the most important things I emphasize in her life is that communication in a relationship is key and good communication is not, nor can it ever be, based on texting. It doesn’t have to be just a “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship, but any relationship that you may have with another person. It could be a friendship, a mentor, a parent or a roommate. It is important that we model good communication skills with the young adults in our lives today so that they may in turn learn these skills. Good communication is indeed a learned skill, not something we are born knowing how to do.
So the next time your son or daughter is about to ask someone to the homecoming dance, talk to him or her about literally speaking to the other person, instead of simply sending a text message. It will be a more meaningful and memorable experience for everyone involved. Or if you know that there is drama going on in your child’s peer group, encourage him or her to speak to their friends, not text message about the problem. So many things, such as tone and meaning, can be lost in a text message, and I have seen many people get hurt unintentionally.
At the end of the day, your Blackberry or iPhone could easily crash and all of those text messages would be lost forever. However, having a meaningful conversation with someone will never be lost to you, for it will always remain with you. Some of the best memories made in high school are based on the relationships we build; don’t lose that over a text message.
